Defense Grid: The Awakening

I've said it before; I love tower defense games. They may be one of my favorite types of games on the flash platform. I suppose that may help to explain why I endeavored to play Defense Grid: The Awakening. I would advise you, dear readers, not to attempt the same folly.
When I was wandering the tubez, looking for something to hold my attention for a few minutes, I saw Defense Grid on greenhouse and was confused; "why would one have to pay money for a tower defense game? This one must be AWESOME!" So I promptly downloaded the demo. What lay within was what I can only describe as a minor avatar of disappointment. I suppose the main contributor to this disappointment was the unspoken implication that the game would be above average made by the fact that one must purchase the game in order to play it. I suppose, with that being said, I can only review the demo, but in being a demo, it utterly failed. The purpose of a demo is to make one want to buy a game. At the end of this par-level attempt, I was not so inclined.
The units, play style and graphic quality were in no way exceeding the standards of its free flash counterparts, and in some cases, even failed to meet these expectations. The graphics are pixelated and messy, yet the screen is so cluttered in mid-90s era 3D rendering, it still requires a huge portion of your processing power, so it feels jerky and disjointed as units freeze in place for a second, and then rush down the path at incredible speeds. It feels like 1996 has returned with a chip on its shoulder. There are better looking, better running games on a flash platform, and I don't have to pay 10 bucks for them. The towers, enemies and tactics are the exact model of the standard TD online. The only gameplay difference is a zoom function on the mouse wheel I never used. The story could be a selling point, but it's startlingly detached from the the actual game, and the plot is just silly. Many assumptions have to be made just to suspend disbelief. The premise is that an alien race has returned to exact revenge on the human race after a thousand years, and humanity's only hope of survival lies in the successful reactivation of an ancient defense grid. Let's set aside the major problem I always have with defense games with that premise, which is the civilization's unexplained lack of offensive capability (I'll just assume that we've achieved a peaceful Utopian society and have no more need for weapons or something like that). There is no explanation as to why the aliens are attacking, why we took so long to reactivate this ancient thing, or why the thing even still works after these thousand years. Was there some covert maintenance service going on? It's just ridiculous. Usually, when I don't like the gameplay or graphics, I can rely on a good plot or vice-versa to keep me interested. There was no such escape in this game.
I would like to stress that this is not a bad game. It's average. I've seen better. I've seen worse. What really gets me here is that they are charging money for this thing. When all of it's comparable peers are free and require no download or installation, I wonder why Hidden Path Entertainment thought this game would make them money. If the plot couldn't be used to strain pasta or if there were more elements to the actual play of the game, I could understand why people would buy it, but as it is, I would much rather go to towerdefence.net and enjoy a better game than sit around, bored and pissed off that I wasted ten bucks.
Do the right thing, people. Play Indie games. Save your money and buy Torchlight instead.

Cyclomaniacs

I like wacky games. They make me feel good. Sure, there's a limit to how much wacky I can handle, but having grown up on Looney Tunes and the like, that tolerance is pretty high. Cyclomaniacs certainly falls under the "wacky" category.It's a 2D bicycle racing game. The animation is silly and lighthearted, the gameplay is addictive and the extras, though somewhat trivial, fit the theme well. The object of the game is to collect achievements, unlock new riders and upgrade your bike. There's no real story outside of the individual riders' backstories, which are entertaining enough to make up for it. This sort of game doesn't really need a story so much anyhow. It simply is. There's no need to worry over taking the game seriously enough to think about character motivations.
At the beginning, there is a button that appears at the top of the game screen for the "complete game movie" which I quickly came to realize wouldn't be unlocked until all 70 achievements had been unlocked. Flash forward a few days to me groaning in amused consternation at the fruit of my labor. Many of the riders are inspired by celebrities or fictional characters (laurel and hardy on a tandem bike made me giggle), but discounting some minor changes in performance behavior, there isn't much to set them apart from each other. They're goofy and fun to look at though, so there isn't much to complain about there. I would say this is a game for those wanting mindless, cheerful fun. I wouldn't recommend playing it for more than an hour, as I can feel the carpal tunnel setting in from button mashing. Very satisfying finishing the game. I feel a little ashamed to admit that, seeing as how it's a very silly and very pointless endeavor, but it is a big game, if a little grindy. I became intimately familiar with the level restart button. There are many more important things you could be doing, like cleaning your ears or balancing your checkbook, maybe trimming your toenails, but if you want to waste some time instead, you could make many worse choices than Cyclomaniacs.
If you haven't done so yet, add yourself as a fan on facebook! There's a design contest going on exclusively for facebook fans, in which you give me a logo design, and I give you a free copy of "And Yet It Moves" from Broken Rules (assuming you win)! So go take a look. It'll be fun. It may even change your life. I think dolphins might be in on it. How can you say no to dolphins?
Do the right thing, people. Play indie games. Make dolphins smile.